Read Part One on this subject here if you haven’t already:
Okay what’s the right attitude then?
We’ve already touched on lots of these.
We’ve touched on lots of them, we’ve compared already, so you should already have a bit of an idea of what the right attitude is for a lot of these things. Any ideas?
Fully feel all of your emotions in the moment when they come up.
Yes, but what causes you to have the right attitude about that?
Participant Female: I want to love.
So, yes, a desire to feel, a desire to love; the most loving thing is for me to feel everything I feel, rather than making someone else responsible for what I feel. That’s the most loving thing. Anything else you can think of?
A desire to know the truth.
Okay, yeah, truth.
Feeling through the reasons for resistance
But what if you have a feeling that you don’t want to know. What would you do then? Feel it, I don’t want to know the truth.
I was thinking before, how many of us, including me, are in fear of attack and I placate to fear of attack. It’s not the attack that I fear, because that’s not an emotion. It’s my response to that attack that’s …
… to the attack. Correct.
… not permanent. They can attack me for the rest of my life, which is the permanent.
Well it’s not even permanent, either to be honest. I’ve been attacked by and murdered by people that now love me.
Yeah. But I viewed that as that’s never going to end, as opposed to how I feel inside my own skin about that belief.
And that’s the false belief that you also need to feel.
Yeah. But I’ve got to be open to hearing that before I desire to feel.
A desire for clarity and to know what’s real.
Yeah, but what if you don’t desire that?
Then feel why I don’t want to know that.
Yeah, feel you don’t want to know first; you need to feel you don’t want to know. You see what I see a lot of people trying to do is they try to feel an emotion that is not the real emotion they actually feel. So many times you’re trying to feel an emotion that is not the real emotion. So, “I’ve got to develop the desire to feel.” No you’ve got to develop a desire to see what you really feel right now about feeling.
You’ve got to feel the emotion that’s there. So if you don’t have a desire for the truth, then feel that you don’t have a desire for the truth. If you feel you don’t have a desire to feel, then feel that you don’t have a desire to feel. You don’t want to feel. “Argh!!! I don’t want to feel!” Feel that. Feel the feeling that’s there. Stop telling yourself that that’s not a good feeling to feel, so I’m going to try to have a desire, when the real feeling underneath me is that I don’t have one.
So this is what I see a lot of people doing with their emotion. They go, here’s the real emotion, and I don’t want to feel that one. But here’s the emotion that I know I should feel, so this is the “should”. That’s what I’ll “try” to feel.
Many of us attempt to feel an emotion that is not real, because we think we should
Now do you know what will happen? Once we feel the real emotion, there is no should or try generally. We don’t have to try, and we don’t have to think about what we should do. We automatically do it. So isn’t it pointless doing the “should” and the “try”?
So the right attitude to your emotion is to desire to feel the right attitude to your emotion. What if the emotion is that you don’t want to feel? So, isn’t it more a desire to feel the truth of the emotion, rather than just the desire to feel an emotion, developing the desire to feel an emotion. Because you might not have a desire to feel an emotion, in fact the very thing you might feel is that, “I have no desire to feel emotion, I don’t want to feel them ‒ the emotion. I’m sick and tired of being told I have to feel some emotion. I don’t want to get closer to God. I’m tired of the idea that I have to get closer to God. I don’t want to hear this anymore. Can I please walk out of this room? Thank you. Yes.”
That’s what you want to feel. So feel it. See when you feel it, it gets out of you. Without feeling it, it stays in you and you’re trying to be here when you’re not really here. This is where most of us make the mistake. We look at all the things we should be doing.
The right attitude to emotion is, no, just feel what’s there right now. Be real about what’s there right now. Not the thing you hope is there now, or the thing that should be there right now because daddy said so … oh no that’s right it’s AJ that said it. Stop replacing daddy with AJ. Or God said you should do it so you should do it.
Do you think God’s up there going, “Yes I said you should do it, so you should do it”? No, God’s up there going, “Look, I designed you to do it this way, but you can do whatever you want.” So even God is not going to punish you for not doing it and to be honest with you, aren’t you already getting punished enough by the law, which is the result of you butting your head against a brick wall of God’s Laws? Doesn’t that hurt enough already to get you to stop doing it the wrong way? If it doesn’t, then maybe you need to butt your head against a few more walls first to find out whether that’s right or not.
Do you see the right attitude is really: feel what is there right now. Be honest about it. Stop trying to tell yourself it is something different than it really is because honestly, if you keep doing that, you will never get over any emotions because it will just be “should”, “try”, “should”, “try”, “should”, “try”, I’ve got to try. I’ve got to do this; this is the right thing to do so I have to do it. No, do you want to do it?
The only time real change is going to occur in your life is if you want to do it. So if you don’t want to do it, feel that you don’t want to do it because that will release the feeling that you don’t want to. It will release the feeling you don’t want to. Once you’ve released the feeling you don’t want to, then, who knows underneath that, what might be there. You might have a feeling you do want to after that but you don’t know unless you release the feeling that you don’t want to.
So when something bad happens and you go, “I don’t want to be loving right now, I want to go and just bop the person in the nose right now. That’s what I want to do.” Now you don’t have to act upon that, but you can feel that. That’s what you want, and you go, “Argh,” feel that, and feel the frustration. And after that emotion goes out of you, then you’ll feel some of the fear that they triggered. And you go, “Oh, wow the reason why I feel that is …” and all of a sudden you’re afraid. “Oh maybe they just think I’m bad …” or whatever it is that you’re feeling, that you’ve been trying to prevent through the rage, and you feel that. And then after you feel some of that, it might be a day later, you’ll just go cry, cry, cry, because of the way mum and dad treated me in that situation was this way and it just hurt. You cry about that and then it’s all gone. But it wouldn’t have even begun if you didn’t honour the first feeling, which is “I didn’t want to.”
Allowing emotions to pass through
Okay. We’ve talked about this one a lot so I’ll just say it. We feel that emotions pass through us and don’t stay with us.
Yeah. So the “pass through” thing is really important.
You feel that you’re not permanently what you feel, however, you feel what you feel while you feel it. You feel you are what you feel while you feel it.
Yes. So did you get that one? You feel what you feel while you’re feeling it. In other words, if you’re afraid, you temporarily feel that your whole being is afraid; but it’s a temporary condition, not a permanent state. A person who doesn’t want to feel their emotions always believes that a negative emotion is going to finish up being a permanent state, and they use that as an excuse to not feel the emotion.
Feeling that sharing the emotional experience cheapens it
Okay. You feel that having others share your experience actually cheapens your experience.
Can I sort of explain that a bit more? When you fully engage your emotion, it’s your personal experience and it’s really quite powerful and it’s very hard to talk about it, when you fully feel it. It’s very hard to talk about it, because you can’t properly explain it to another person in order for them to understand what it felt like. So after a while, you start feeling that talking about your own emotion, aside from a teaching perspective, just cheapens your own emotional experience. It doesn’t actually assist you in any way. If talking about your emotion helps you get into emotion, then it means you’re in addiction. And most people are actually in that addiction. They need somebody to share with the emotional experience, and so they need someone to talk to about their experience, rather than just feeling it.
There’s a difference between going to a therapist and having them do some body work or something, and letting you just feel, than going to someone to talk to about it and then you feel. Because when you talk and then feel, while it might help you initially, there is an addiction involved in it, in that you need somebody to listen. You’re unprepared to go through your emotions unless somebody listens, and that is obviously a big addiction.
Feeling that emotions are open heartedly welcomed
Cool, I like this one.
Don’t you like them all?
I love them all, but this is a favourite for the moment. We feel that emotions are open heartedly welcomed. So they’re not just okay, our heart is saying, “Yes please, emotion.”
Now it’s pretty easy to open heartedly welcome some positive thing, but it’s a lot more difficult to open heartedly welcome fear, or shame, or something like that. But after a while we start feeling that it’s like a relief to get to that place, and it is a real relief to get to that place properly. It’s only people who have not gotten to those places who don’t understand how relieving it is, because it’s such a beautiful place to be, to be open hearted to all of your own emotion.
Of course if you’re open hearted to your own emotion, you’re also open hearted to everyone else’s too, which means that you’re easy to be around from an emotional perspective. You allow other people’s emotions to flow. And that also makes them more comfortable to feel their emotions when they’re in your company. So it has a positive benefit to others, too.
We also begin to feel that others are real when they are emotional around us. So rather than fearing other people being emotional around us, we welcome that as well, and recognise, “Wow that’s my brother or sister being themselves.”
So if he’s angry, “That’s my brother being angry.” That’s better than him covering over his anger, and making out it’s not there. Even if he’s angry with me it’s better than him covering over and making that it’s not there. Then he’s in total denial.
We feel that when others are emotional, they’re being real ‒ I said that one. We feel that emotions need to be in harmony with love in order for a connection with God to be maintained. We talked about a lot today.
So in other words, we’re not so much interested in feeling emotions that are disharmonious with love. We are more focused on finding the emotion that is harmonious with love. So what I mean by that is that there are times when you have a choice inside of you emotionally to go to one place or another.
For example, sometimes you could get angry but fear is driving your anger and if you chose anger, it would only be a manipulation of your environment, but it’s not a childhood anger, let’s say; it’s an adult anger where you choose to manipulate your environment with it. Now a person who’s open hearted with their emotions would choose to feel the fear instead.
Another problem that many of you have is choosing self-punishment. Now a person who chooses selfpunishment is choosing to avoid a deeper emotion that’s more painful ‒ usually it’s an emotion where your parents punished you. So it’s usually an emotion associated with other people harming you that you don’t want to feel because it’s so painful. So what we finish up doing is we go into this state of desiring to punish ourselves rather than have them feel that emotion, and a person who’s open hearted with their emotions wouldn’t do that. We would focus more on feeling what the real feeling is, whatever that feeling is.
Okay, we feel that emotions out of harmony with love must be experienced to be released, which we’ve covered a lot about that, haven’t we.
We’ve talked about that.
We feel that growth is impossible without the experience of emotions.
So we’re not addicted to convincing ourselves that we’ve already grown when we haven’t felt any emotion. We have a tendency to do that, to try to convince ourselves we’re over something before we’ve even gone through anything. You can’t be over something unless you’ve gone through something, and even when we’ve started to go through it, we wouldn’t hope that we’ve finished it before we have. We wouldn’t do that either.
Sometimes I hear people say, “Oh I thought I was over that.” I go, “No, why does that distress you?” “Oh because I’ve cried about that for a month. I thought I was over it.” Well you’re going to have to cry for two months obviously. If you’re open hearted with your emotions you’ll just let that happen. You won’t go, “Oh, I’ve had a month, that’s enough now.” You would actually go, “No, I’m going to do what is necessary, even if its six months or twelve months or eighteen months or ten years ‒ I’m going to do what’s necessary.” You wouldn’t have the attitude of, “One month, that’s enough, one hour.”
Most of us have got this attitude: ten minutes, that’s enough. (Laughter) That’s how most of us feel with our emotions. But if you multiply the ten minutes in a day, man that starts adding up doesn’t it? Because you go, okay if we’re only emotional for ten minutes in a day, how many minutes are there in a day? There are 60 seconds times by 60 minutes, so it’s 3,600 times by 24, that’s how many minutes there actually are in a day. Now let’s say we do it by 12, because we’re asleep half of the time. We don’t know what we’re doing in our sleep state, but hopefully we’re making the same choices as we are in our awake state but let’s just go for that. So it’s 3,600 by 12, which is what our doable time is, roundabout or a bit more than that maybe. That’s assuming we sleep 12 hours a day, probably not, so we might make it by 16, shall we? Most of us would sleep 8 hours a day. What’s that? It’s a lot of minutes, isn’t it? That’s 57,600 minutes we’ve got available in the day, and we’ve used 10 of those to feel. (Laughter)
Now, would you be that happy with that? If somebody said to you, “I’m going to come to work with you for a day,” and they gave you ten minutes. I don’t know if you’d be that happy with that. And to be honest, most of us are probably not that happy with that, if we looked at it that way. Yet we convince ourselves that we did well today ‒ 10 minutes of open hearted emotional feeling. Compared to 100%, we’re feeling 1% of the time.
Now we want to improve it from 1% to 2% to 5% to 10 %, you know, we want to improve the feeling process so that it’s all the time. That’s what we want to do in the end and if we are happy with 1% of the time, then it probably demonstrates that we don’t have the right attitude to our emotion, doesn’t it? It’s probably proof that we don’t. We need to have a good look at why.
So continuing on? We feel that a loving condition is impossible without emotions in harmony with love. We feel that nothing can change while unloving emotions are maintained within. So those two really go together.
So if I believe that I can change without actually feeling anything, then from God’s perspective I’m just way off the planet. The only way you can really change is by feeling something. So the key is, okay what is it I need to feel? I need to have this open hearted attitude to the feeling.
And last one that we feel and honour our own emotional experience.
So you’re not interested in trying to manufacture a facade-based experience. You want to feel and honour whatever is inside of you. That’s what you want to do.
Now there’s a whole heap more that we want to cover with you, but we feel that you’re all a bit tired now.
A bit over it now.
You’ve had enough probably of this subject today. So we’ll probably leave the subject there, and the next time we’re down we’ll continue on with the rest of the subject.
Between now and then, what we would suggest to you is this. Practice getting a stronger emotional connection with yourself. In everything you do, feel what you’re doing. Feel a stronger emotional connection with yourself. Be honest about your real emotion about things. Be honest about when you’re angry, sad, ashamed, when you’re frustrated, annoyed. All these feelings we need to be honest about. Practice doing that. You’ve got six to eight weeks before we come again; see how you go in that period of time doing those things. Practicing that attitude of getting a closer connection with your true emotional self and be honest about what it feels like. If you’re raging, let some of it out, be honest about it.
If you have been using substitute techniques, those techniques that your parents taught you, try to stop your substitute techniques. So try to stop the self punishment technique over the coming months, and find what you’re substituting that technique for. What did your parents teach you to do that for?
If you find you’re involving others in your emotional processing all the time, try to stop that process, and just own your own emotion. Just let yourself feel what it feels like and how alone you feel and how sad you feel that nobody else knows what you’re feeling. Let yourself feel that. Let yourself go through these feelings that are tough feelings, but let yourself go through them. When you go through them they’ll go out of you.
Moving out of feeling numb
With the feeling of being numb, is that a feeling or it’s the refusal to feel.
It’s the refusal to feel, yeah.
So even though the anger’s not there, but start with, “I know this is the refusal to feel,” and just start getting into that.
What’s the refusal to feel? What would you define it as an emotion?
Participant Female: Anger.
Anger. So there’s anger that you need to express. You’re passively trying to express it by refusing to feel. You need to actively express it. Let yourself actively express your anger ‒ about feelings, about the fact that you don’t want them, about the fact that they’re all traumatic, about the fact that it was terrible when you were young when you felt that, about what are your beliefs about that. Let yourself feel them. If you feel you’re going to get hurt, punished, victimised, abused, violently hurt, whatever it is that happened in your childhood, let yourself feel that.
So basically, during the day, if we’re going through an hour and we didn’t feel anything, we’re numb?
We’re numb. Yeah. And the key is to find out why.
Because we would be feeling either gratitude, we’d be feeling pleasure, we would be feeling …
Sad, happy, whatever, you’d be feeling something. You see when you’re a 100% feeling being, you’re feeling something every moment.
Even washing the dishes, like all the chores we do.
Even washing the dishes, doing the gardening, cooking a meal, laying in bed by yourself, laying in bed with your partner, having sex, whatever it is that you’re doing, you’re feeling something. If you’re a 100% feeling being, there would be a feeling associated with everything you do.
So if you’re not feeling anything in what you’re doing, then feel why. Why don’t you want to feel what you’re feeling? Why don’t you want to feel what’s going on right now? Allow yourself to do that. It doesn’t take a long time to break through if you really desire it, if you really want it. It doesn’t take a long time to break through. For me, I think, to get from the place of just being numb, which is where I pretty much was when I started, to actually feeling every day, probably took three months, and it wasn’t that hard actually to switch from one to the other. But you have to want it.
Yeah it sounds exciting.
I had to remove myself from all the people who judged it and I had to create a space for myself where I could do it in that time and I had to allow myself to go through the process of doing it, even though my family and my friends judged it: even that will confront a lot of things for yourself and if you live with a partner then you’ll have to deal with whatever their emotions are about you doing it.
It doesn’t have to take a long time to get from the numb place to the place where you are totally willing to actually deal with everything. So my feelings are if we do that, then we’ll have made some progress and the more people who make progress like that, the easier it is for the next generation of people to make that kind of progress.
So once you’ve unblocked the numbness from yourself, your children are going to find it much, much easier to be connected with themselves emotionally 100% of the time and it will get to be that way that they won’t even have to go through this process of going, “What am I feeling now? Why am so numb?” because they’ll never be numb. They’ll never even get into that state in the first place. And that will be a wonderful gift we can give the next generation of people; to give them that gift where every child that is ever born never has to go through this feeling of getting out of a numb state and into a feeling state. You think of the trauma that you’ve gone though ‒ like the Divine Truth that you have heard has been joyful to hear, has it not? But very hard to practice. A child, who really wants to hear this Divine Truth, would find it a joy to hear and not hard to practice. Wouldn’t that be wonderful ‒ that every person that ever hears Divine Truth doesn’t find it hard to practice?
Allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed
At the moment every person who hears Divine Truth is like, “Aw, no, what have I got to do with this now …” and then we see ourselves and we go, “Oh, it’s even worse, isn’t it?” because there are all these things that I now see and who knows what it is that I don’t see, that’s even worse. You’re even telling me there’s a heap of things I don’t see too and you just feel overwhelmed with the job of getting back this 100% connection: that is a direct result of how long humanity has been in this state. This state where they believe the intellect is the dominant thing, the emotion is subservient and the state where we’re tuned out of being 100% emotional beings all the time.
Would it be true to say then that, because I’m just saying you take on feeling overwhelmed that it’s a beautiful process because it deals with so many different emotions, so they’re just simultaneously kind of just happening?
Yeah. And being overwhelmed has one great advantage. Do you know what that is? Every time you’re overwhelmed, your soul expanded. You’ve got to remember that ‒ that this is all about this process towards God. Even once you become at-one with God, you’ll continue to expand. Your soul will continue to expand every time you allow the overwhelmed emotions. So when many of you are going, “I’m feeling overwhelmed now, I’m feeling overwhelmed now. Don’t do this anymore. Don’t say this anymore.” You’re actually stopping the process of your soul expanding. That doesn’t make much sense.
I feel that I even get a headache if I’m stopping the overwhelm.
Of course, you get headaches, migraines; you know lots of physical problems in your body, all sorts of things will happen as a result once you start shutting down the flow of the emotion. Remember when the emotion flows in your body, there is no blockage in your body at all in any area and once that starts to happen, you will feel much better than you’ve ever felt.
The reality is you can be seventy and feel like you’re twenty. Eventually, if you allow the emotions to keep flowing, you’ll actually not only feel like twenty, but you’ll probably look pretty close to that too. That’s the advantage of doing all of these things but no one has ever really experienced that because no one’s ever allowed the flow to occur, just allowed it all to go through you. There are so many advantages to it; it’s very hard to list them all, of course.
We’ve been talking here about the way in which we conceive emotion, our belief systems, if you like, about emotions. So what we’ve been discussing the last two days with you is basically your belief systems about emotion. What we would like to do now is add to that your belief systems about progression, and confront some of the false beliefs about progression that we have as well. That’s probably what we’ll do in our next time with you ‒ try to talk to you about your current beliefs about progression and if you were a full emotional being, what would be your actual beliefs about progression. How would you see progression?
Yeah. And can I encourage everyone to be really real in our discussions? I know lots of you are more open about sharing and things, but sometimes I feel like you want to talk about the things you’ve got rather than the things you’re still struggling with or ask questions that you feel comfortable about asking in public and I can feel that there’s more opportunities if you’re willing to just say, “Yeah, I disagree.” or “I don’t get it,” or ” I’m really confronted because I don’t understand this thing.” That’s where I feel like you’ll really help yourselves to engage emotionally with what we present.
We love our discussions with Eloisa actually, because she’s emotionally expressive. She gets enthusiastic when she’s enthusiastic. She gets really upset when she’s really upset. She gets angry when she’s angry. And she gets sad when she’s sad. And we know exactly where we are in every single moment of the conversation, pretty much. It’s so easy. And also, there is a deep enthusiasm to learn, and to be honest about what she feels. So we get to know her during that process. Many of you are afraid to let yourselves be known and just to be the person you really are and all the feelings that you have and all the thoughts that you have come up during the conversation and just be honest about that. You don’t understand that while you resist doing that, the person who’s with you can’t know you. They’ve got to guess you or, if they’re sensitive emotionally, they’ll feel you. But they can’t really know you because you’re not letting them know you.
What we’d like to encourage each of you to do, even with each other, is to let yourselves be known. Let yourselves know each other, and let the other person know you. Let them know you. How you feel. What you think. What your thoughts are. Why you disagree. When you disagree, why you disagree. Let that happen, let that process happen because then you can have a true engagement with a person. And when you have a true engagement with a person, the potential of them progressing is much higher.
This is what we’d like to encourage you to do in the assistance groups ‒ to come committed to just being you, and what you really feel, and what you really think, and what you really think about what’s being presented. Not what you want everybody to believe you feel or think, or what you feel is the common feeling in the room, but rather what you really feel and think because then we have something to engage with.
It’s really hard sometimes, often because I’m not talking as much, I’m sort of like super-feeling everyone and sometimes I can feel this huge question in about 80% of the audience, where they’re like, “Yeah I don’t get it or I don’t agree, ” and nobody’s willing to speak up and go, “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand.”
Sometimes in the past, I’ve gone into the addiction of trying to draw it out of people, or prompt my partner to help everyone through that thing. That’s why I’m saying now, yeah we’re not going to do that, but you have the opportunity to challenge yourself to be real.
And we’re happy to answer questions at any time and particularly questions on the subject, as you know and when you’re sitting there and you’ve got all these questions, or all these confusions or whatever, without expressing them, then basically all that does is it causes a number of things.
One of the things we wanted to discuss with you the next visit was the amount of spirit influence that occurs under those circumstances, and the amount of spirit influence that occurs in your relationships because you’re unwilling to talk to each other properly. Openly disclose what you really feel.
Frank, honest, no facade. No, “Oh this is the correct way …”
There’s a lot of manipulation from spirits that goes on under those circumstances that causes a lot of trauma in your lives. But mostly it occurs because no one’s being real about what they really feel, what they really think, what their real desires are, and all those kinds of things.
We actually had planned to do that today, but we thought we wanted to cover more on this subject of emotions first, because without dealing with the emotional things, you can’t get rid of spirit influence. So unless we have the right understanding of emotion, we can’t make the next step of getting rid of the spirit influence.
You could think of spirit influence as the emotions of others imposed upon you. So if you’re feeling your own emotions, then it’s much easier to feel the emotions of those imposed upon you, and you know the difference between yours and theirs. This is why there are so many subjects that all join together with this relationship with God issue about emotions. That’s why it’s such a key part of your future development.
That’s why when we say we’re going to give a talk about emotions and relationships and spirit influence, we have to start right back here, when we sit down to say how we’re going to present this because we feel like there’s so much introduction or basic principles that underpin everything. And if we talk about the end thing, that we want to get to …
… without the foundation …
Yes. Everyone can fall into the trap of thinking they get the foundation, when what we’re seeing is that a lot of people haven’t properly grasped the foundation and therefore anything we talk about that’s an extension of that, becomes sullied by that misunderstanding.
It gets misinterpreted even. So when we start talking about spirit influence, it gets misinterpreted. We talk about the human soul and how it works, that gets misinterpreted. Every subject gets misinterpreted once you are not connected emotionally. It gets misinterpreted through your own filters. For each individual it’s a completely different interpretation. So when you talk together, you go, “Oh I got that out of it.” And the other person says, “I didn’t get that out of it, I got that out of it.” And sometimes what the two of you got is completely the opposite thing out of it. The reason why is because no emotional transmission is occurring. We’re using words to connect to your intellect, and what we want to start being able to do with our teaching is to actually use feelings to connect to your emotions.
This is why I encourage you to be really real as audience members. I’m only encouraging you to do things that I’ve found have benefitted me so much.
So thanks for your time again today guys.
Yeah, thanks everyone. (Applause)
And we’ll catch up with you. We’re not sure yet, probably a couple of months we’ll be down. Thank guys, look after yourselves.